I had to ask a friend for a favor yesterday.

He came through in an unexpectedly excellent way.

But wow, did I have some agida* leading up to the phone call.

I have this problem.  When I have an opinion about X thing, I have no problem speaking up and telling the world what I think.  But when I need something...I hate asking.  I even hate ordering food in takeout lines. 

Oddly, this does not extend to work.  In a professional capacity, I know my limits and when to ask for help or delegate.  I'm a pretty decent delegator actually; I learned this at Berkman by watching a really terrible delegator's methods and then doing the opposite (that person doesn't work there anymore, hasn't for quite a while).  People who did work for me on the last few big conferences I did seemed pleased with how things went.  The trick - method really, not a trick at all - is to delegate real chunks of the project, not individual tasks.  If someone has to just make restaurant reservations, they're probably going to hate doing it, but if they can take ownership of the dinner portion of the event with the manager there to help with questions, and invite people, answer their inquiries, and get praise when it goes well, they'll be excited about making the awful phone calls, at least a little bit.

But when I personally need something, I suddenly become a blithering idiot.  The more anonymous I can be, the better off I am.  If I don't have to look someone in the eye and say, "I need a turkey sandwich" or "please help me do X thing" I am OK.  But when it gets all one-on-one...when I think someone is going to analyze what I am buying or requesting...

I've done a lot of this lately, since being an immigrant has made me a lot needier than I've been since, say, college.  And it sucks every single time.  I'm not an unconfident person.  I know I am very good at the things I do, I'm smart, my hair is pretty etc.  I am not the greatest singer in the world yet I do it in public regularly.

But even if it's someone I trust, I have to steel myself before asking for a favor.  Or a sandwich.  I do it, but it takes a lot of concentration.  I gotta work on this.

*A note on agida: I grew up in a very Italian town in Massachusetts.  This was a word used many times a day all through my public education.  Sweeeeeeet.